it is not depression
but the edge of happiness that
makes my heart turn gray
and start to crumble
until there is nothing left
it is being so close,
having a light within reach,
but not believing that
it truly is close enough,
or that i even deserve it
i do not trust myself
to grasp at it and not fall,
because i am so afraid of
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
and it's an
awfully long way to the ground
and so i do not try.
i let myself be swallowed
by darkness and misery
and i think:
"at least i'm not falling,"
but maybe this is worse.
i lost my heart in third grade
It ran away while I was
slaving over what
seven times eight is
and
how to tie my shoes.
I didn't notice as you were
chasing it
down the halls
and
around the playground.
you brought it back to me
I told you to keep it,
since I would only
lose it again
or
misplace it.
So you tucked it away,
next to
bubblegum wrappers
and
pokemon cards.
it broke
"I didn't mean to"
you said as I
swept up the shards
and
threw them out.
It didn't matter though;
a heart can't be fixed
with Scotch tape
and
Elmer's glue.
If you stopped me,
here and now,
I'd tell you how
I want to rewind.
For us to be actors,
with a taped romance.
So what if it's corny?
At least it would be something.
To rewrite the script,
so that anything I ever said
or did to hurt you
would all be a dream.
I want to tell you
everything you mean to me
and how I couldn't bear to lose you
especially now.
But first,
we would have to meet.
And I don't think the script calls for that.